Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A Grad's Epilogue...or is it Introduction?

So the passing of two very important events has allowed me to feel that I can guiltlessly return my attention to this beloved blog:

1. Season 4, episode 12 of Dexter.

2. Graduation.

proud fam.

proud boy.

The only thing I'm asking myself in regards to both is, "what next?"

I guess I still have to finish the novel that Dexter was based on, and there are plenty of interviews I could watch. Alex
and I were reluctant to finish off the season since #5 doesn't start until Sep. 27. But let me tell you, it's been a roller-
coaster of emotion, expectation, and philosophical discussion on the gray areas of morality throughout our viewer
experience, and it's made me realize, "Umm...I may be more upset that Dexter is ending than I am my college career..."

The funny thing is, I could use the same 'roller-coaster' metaphor for that same college career. It is, of course, a slightly
bittersweet time for me. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss the general world of Academia; or weekend drinks after a
hard final; or lunch with friends in the Inner Circle; or the walk from UIC's fitness center to the train with a gorgeous
Chicago skyline perched in front me against a blue-black night sky; or the classrooms full of kids who actually want to
discuss the juxtaposition of Wim Wenders post-war German ideals with his filmic use of narrative and imagery in Alice
in the Cities
(excellent movie, btw); or my Gothic, concrete jungle campus in the dead of winter; or taking the packed,
wet, and smelly blue line 10 stops south to a midterm I haven't studied for with spilled coffee, awkward winterwear,
and last night's unfinished homework while the bum across from me stares creepily past 8 plastic bags...

Oh wait, that last one might be a lie.

To be honest, there's a lot that I won't miss. More than anything I felt stifled toward the end, and I couldn't be more
relieved that my life of assigned critical and creative writing is over. I am eternally grateful for the wealth of literary,
historical, and cinematic works that I was introduced to by professors who I feel took genuine interest in honing my
critical thinking. But I'm grateful, too, that I can pursue at will those areas of study that most intrigued me without
being forced to analyze them in a specific way. Being given a parameter of 8 pages to express someone else's thoughts
made it difficult to put all of my creative and critical energy into papers and short stories whose topics I honestly did
care about, and my apathetic attitude eventually became a guilty one. For example:

- I really want to finish Benito Cereno by Herman Melville because I couldn't bring myself to do it when it was assigned
for my Literature and Pop Culture course.

- I wrote two short stories that I'm actually very proud of, but both need revisions that I couldn't find the energy to
apply for my final portfolio.

- My final senior thesis "Television Media Treatment of Celebrity Death" (for which I won an award presenting a
portion at Notre Dame's Midwest Film and Television conference, I might add) was pretty much thrown together and
finished the night before it was due when I had all semester to neatly organize my argument.

These are just a few admissions of my procrastination last semester, each of which I suppose can be seen as an
accomplishment in their own rite. But personally, they would have been more of an accomplishment if I had been able
to put all of my energy into them without having a grade attached.

I guess you could say my excuse is a cop-out; that even now after there are no more deadlines my apathy won't permit
me to pursue classic texts of my own free will...

but I hope it's not. And I certainly plan on rejuvenating my creative mind this summer by tackling a number of projects
that I've wanted to undertake for some time.

1. This blog (especially segments that cover fashion, film, and literary reviews...oh, and the past few months' big
adventures including my Florida road trip with Alex, internship at Gene Siskel, and European jaunt with Rach, Ash, and Kari for nostalgia's sake!)

2. Finish reading Benito Cereno, Psycho, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Middlesex, Gravity's Rainbow, and Louise Brooks.

3. Watch one new Hitchcock film per week.

4. Revise my two short stories.

5. Write a screenplay!!

6. Apply for jobs (not exactly creative therapy, but necessary...and rewarding!)

A good start for now, I think. Plus, three months in Florida for my internship at Destination Weddings and
magazine will hopefully be a good hiatus to get all of them accomplished!!

Wish me luck.

1 comment:

  1. i am very interested in juxtaposing post-wwii german ideals with wenders' use of narrative and imagery in "alice in the cities"! love the blog, frenchie! ;) btw, i'm interested in reading your senior thesis--please hook it up! on another note, i, too, spent the night before it was due to write my senior thesis. and it all worked out fine, right? :)